see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize