if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize