Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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