Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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