So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My dick has a subreddit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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