We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
