the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
