Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
