My friends, they love my intelligence
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
