rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
