the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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