She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
