so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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