Who did Billy Mays play for?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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