dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Randomize
