i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
