Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
