Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
