I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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