How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
