Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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