I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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