opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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