WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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