According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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