I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
