P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
