I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
