Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
