i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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