oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
