it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
