Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
