What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
