You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
