I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
