Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
