Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
