OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
