Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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