if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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