mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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