I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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