Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
