well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
