I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
