first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You don't make any sense
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