that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
