Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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