you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
