Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
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how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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