Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
