what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
