Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
