When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
