thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
