Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
