What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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