My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
