if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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