Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
