haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
