Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found the puke drawer
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
