When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
