just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
